Meet Elan

Elan Surjana - Lotus born 8/20/12 10:07am

being still (well, as still as possible with a 2 year old) as a family this past week has given me many moments to reflect on our journey up to now.  i find myself remembering all the difficulties we've encountered, and then the balance the blessings have brought.  this sweet baby boy, our little Elan is definitely a blessing.  coming at a time of great struggle for us in other areas of our lives, Elan has reminded us of the importance of love.  life can get so stressful, and hectic, and filled with clutter, that it's easy to forget what we're living for.  LOVE.  our family... these special moments that make everything else disappear.  in the days since Elan's birth, i find myself looking at Febri and being filled with emotion - i love this man so much... an incredible partner, and an amazing father.  and Luna... what can i say?... i'm so proud and so in awe of the person she's becoming, and so honored to be her mama.  and now, this new little babe - and already he's filled my heart when i thought it was already overflowing.

we are so happy to be on the other side of this pregnancy.  to have reached this mile marker on our journey.  and to have been given such a special gift - our prince, Elan.

then there were 2

here he is.......!

the second time around has been such a different experience!  after an amazingly mellow labor at home, our little babe came into our world on August 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm.  he weighed slightly less than Luna - just 7lbs 4oz, and he announced his arrival with a wail.  Luna sang the ABC's while I pushed him out - with proud Papa rooting us all.  we feel so happy to be on this side of the adventure, and we're soaking in the moments of these first few days....falling in love as a family.

more soon.

 

Moving On

I'm sitting here, in an almost empty house, on a rare quiet morning (Luna is actually sleeping in (!) with Febri)... and it's all hitting me.  It will be hard to say goodbye to this house.  This weekend we're moving, and while I'm so excited about what we gain, I'm feeling emotional about what we lose.  I laid in bed this morning watching the filtered sunlight stream through the curtains and fill the room with a golden glow...it's soooo beautiful... and I remembered when Febri and I painted that room, and then I thought about how perfect the wall color is with the curtains - and how peaceful it is to sleep there with my family.  And, I know we can paint another room and make it just as lovely, but it's the energy that's here... and the memories.  We've only been in this house a year and a half, maybe it's being a parent... I don't know.  Luna was just a babe when we moved in - barely a year old.  We didn't have furniture for months, and then we carefully selected each piece to fit the narrow rooms and match the character of these walls that house us.  Luna has said over and over during this process that she doesn't want to move, that she loves this home.  This is the only home she's ever *really known... she's learned so much under this roof.... ah, again - the memories.

Our new home is awesome.  We have an amazing yard - overgrown with an array of plants and flowers - which means we have some work ahead of us, but also a magical world to discover - Luna's already met ladybugs, caterpillars, birds, and squirrels in passing... and we're just blocks from a marshy wildlife preserve... and I'm thrilled that Luna will get to know nature this way.  We also have a fireplace - which takes me back to life with Febri before babies - a home we had where we loved lazing in front of the warm fire on rainy winter nights in PDX... and we're looking forward to that warmth again.    We have a dedicated play room, an office, a sewing room (yay!)... more space to LIVE and LOVE and BE.

It's bittersweet.

journaling 9 weeks

I don't journal anymore..... I don't keep up with the blog much either.  I was thinking about this the other day, and realized that the last time I was making regular journal entries was when Luna was just a few months old.  Guess things have just gotten away from me.  But I'm glad I kept a journal regularly (up until then) because I can look back on it now and compare what I'm feeling now to what I was feeling then.  "Then" being 9 weeks pregnant with Luna.  YEP - I'm nine weeks pregnant!  As if we don't have enough going on right now, we're adding a pregnancy to the list.  And, for those of you who have been pregnant before, you can probably relate to 1st trimester fatigue, and maybe even nausea.  I've had both - and they've made it challenging to keep up with my full plate.... a plate that includes midwifery school, a busy Chinese medicine practice, the opening of a new (private practice) clinic and all that that entails, entertaining a two year old who has learned the wonder of asking "why?", and supporting a very-busy-with-his-own-crazy-life-stuff partner ("crazy-life-stuff" including but not limited to school, work, and kid.... and taking care of his pregnant partner).  Whew - and why don't I journal anymore?

So I've decided that while I'm certainly busy.... and I am busy, I want to be able to look back on this amazing time some day in the future, and remember what it was like - through my words.  Journaling is great in so many ways... it allows release, and it holds a place in time.........
I'm not one to make new year's resolutions, but I have resolved to journal again and to capture these fleeting moments so I can one day look back and smile.

I hope the new year brings many blessings and smiles to all of you!

how do i love luna? let me count the ways....

1. i love how whenever papa and i hug each other, you come running to us saying "luna, luna" because three-way hugs are so much better.

2. i love how you piled all of your stuffed animals on me this morning while i was still sleeping... and then you sat patiently until i opened my eyes to you and your gorgeous smile.

3. i love the way you insist sometimes on holding my hand... even if you're being pushed in the stroller, sitting in your car-seat, eating in your highchair, or being carried by papa.

4. i love the way you squeal when you see me after i've been gone a while.... fills me up.

5. i love your love of nature - and the way you collect stones and then go through your collection one by one, slowly and with great intent.

6. i love how sometimes, when we're walking with the beco, you just wrap your arms and legs around me and squeeze... and i feel your love.

7. i love the way you break out into a dance when you hear a good beat... from the cd player, a passing car on the street, your papa strumming the guitar, or the speakers at the grocery store.

8. i love how much you enjoy reading books. how you love the books aimed at children years older than you ... the ones with paragraphs and paragraphs of writing... how you sit patiently listening, eager- yet fully content.

9. i love the way you hold my cheeks in your little hands, and pull my nose to yours for a warm 'eskimo kiss'.

10. and, i love how your first words have turned into your first short sentences and how, when i ask you a question ending in "ok"?, you answer - so enthusiastically - "oh-tay"!

...to be continued....

inspiration

what a crazy world we live in...

as i age, and experience... and grow... i often find myself wondering more about the lack of responsibility, and the naive perspective, the majority of those around me seem to take.

we have fit right into our sweet capitol hill home - on our friendly little block - every day setting out on foot to the market, or the park, or the library - watching the other mamas and babes in their bumblerides and phil and teds take to the same tree lined streets.... wondering when we'll meet some like minded folks... when we'll make some lasting connections.

to sum it up: i'm happy here. but to be honest, this city seems shallow. i love that so much is going on. it's actually a really great city on so many levels...... which is why it's confusing to me that, while i've met so many people with broad backgrounds and experience, i have yet hold a meaningful conversation with any of them. well, almost. i have made one friend here - thank goodness for her! but, while i'm excited about living here in DC for many reasons, i'm so let down by the empty, thoughtless lives of those surrounding me.

i really wish we, as humans, could take a more active role in the lives we live. i find myself complaining daily about the ignorance so blatant around me. why can't people be more responsible about their diets, their healthcare, their birthing options, what they put in and on and around their children, how they clean their homes, how they grow their food... why can't we stop fighting eachother, stop blindly following those before us, ask more questions, give more answers...

maybe it's just my mood tonight.

my friend, erin, is in greece right now. a crew member of the freedom flotilla to gaza. standing up for what she feels is important. making an impact... in her life and in all those that touch hers. tonight i'm thinking about her, detained by the the greek military, unable to sail - to spread her strength and love.... but standing strong.

and, as i sit here on this tranquil summer night - amidst the fireflies and dim lights of the surrounding homes, baby monitor in hand - erin is my inspiration.

greek embassy washington dc: 202-939-1300 let them sail!

spring ... in all it's glory

i'm not sure why i never recognized it growing up on the east coast, but spring is really beautiful in this neck of the woods. i guess i did recognize it, but i don't know that i gave it enough credit. now, after spending many years living in other parts of the country, i have returned to live just hours from where i grew up. and after a cold and trying winter, wow(!) spring is good in DC.

it's amazing to see this city come alive. the warmth from the sun -the blossoms and green on the trees, the outdoor markets... the flowers. so lovely to take a stroll to the park - and soak it all in... and even more amazing to share the wonder with my sweet little babe... strike that.. little GIRL.

luna is definitely a dirt worshiper. she LOVES being outside (i think she loves it even more than books)... taking notice of all the beauty... fingers in the soil... nose in the flowers....

when we go to the market, she stops to smell every flower bundle on the way in... E V E R Y one. she scrutinizingly collects stones on our walks and park visits - we have a jar to save them in. she says hello and goodnight to the moon (depending on it's phase), listens to the birds, and with eyes closed breathes with the wind. nature child.

this week we visited my parents... the house i grew up in. as i walked around the land with luna collecting flowers, watching rabbits, and feeling the breeze, i realized how life has come full circle. febri, walking along side of me, asked if i used to imagine myself grown up with my own child where i had played as a little girl. i don't know that i ever did. but it caught me - the beauty of sharing with luna the very wonders i took in when i was a little one. playing in the same grass, by the same trees, captivated by the same beauty surrounding.

parenting has been a beautiful experience all around, but it took a string of recent events and the coming of spring to give such powerful perspective on the wisdom of this life we live. i've always been one to appreciate what i have, to respect the people and nature around me, and to meditate on the gifts life offers. but, being a mother has colored my days more brightly, enhancing and filling each moment with a love i could never imagine or prepare for.

there are many moments that i wish we were already living abroad. many times i've counted the months before we leave this city. but it's not because i'm uncomfortable where we are, it's because i'm anxious to get where we're going. mothering reminds me to appreciate the past, to look forward to the future, but most importantly, to enjoy and be still in the present. i'm not quite sure how we ended up where we are today, but i'm incredibly thankful for it.

in luna's cubby (as we call it). can you tell she's getting bigger?

our love, our loss... the chaos continues

when luna was a newborn, she slept most soundly on my chest. she felt warmth and comfort there.. and i have to say the feeling was mutual. recently we've been working on night weaning. luna does well, but she still wakes, and it's in those moments that comfort again comes from lying on my chest. it wasn't until last night, with luna's heart to mine, that i felt all of the love and warmth and solace that closeness can bring. it poured over me, and together we comforted each other.

yesterday (3/11/11) we said a final goodbye to the spirit i had carried shortly in my womb.

6 days ago, on sunday, i noticed brown spotting while i was working. it wasn't too alarming as i had spotted in early pregnancy with luna as well.

on monday i still had brown spotting and contacted our midwife to set an appointment to listen for the heartbeat, as i was now 12 weeks pregnant.

by tuesday the spotting had turned to bright red, but was still minimal, and i had no other symptoms.

wednesday morning came and we headed to our midwife's house to check things out. after a brief time of searching for the heartbeat with the doppler, and finding none, our midwife suggested going in for a sonogram. we agreed, and headed to the hospital early that evening. after a long wait at the hospital, we were finally taken in and i saw my uterus for the first time. what an experience. unfortunately though, we saw an empty sac... there was no heartbeat... no fetus. the diagnosis - blighted ovum.

i had blamed stress for the disconnection i had this pregnancy. i couldn't focus on the growing babe inside me. i was happy about the pregnancy, but just couldn't connect with this little one the way i had so early on with luna. stress was significant in the first few weeks following the positive pregnancy test, and i thought that must be the reason. i had no time to connect. i felt a strong guilt about it. i also blamed stress for my lack of pregnancy symptoms. not having the time to rest must explain why i'm not so fatigued.

seeing an empty sac explained a lot. i understood why i couldn't connect to a babe... there wasn't one to connect to. the hospital midwife explained that, while my uterus was measuring 12 - 14 weeks, the gestational sac was only measuring 9 - 10 weeks.

she warned us that a natural miscarriage this far into pregnancy would be dangerous and difficult. she suggested a D&C, and implied that i would most likely end up in the hospital anyway due to hemorrhage or fear in going through the miscarriage at home. she offered reassurance in knowing that the hospital now had me on file so i would be quickly admitted when coming in bleeding in the middle of the miscarriage. she gave us no advice or things to look for as potential problems in the miscarriage (even when i specifically asked her), and continued to stress the DANGER.

we left the hospital feeling sad, empty, and scared. i tried calling our midwife for advice, but didn't hear back from her. we were lost in a sea of uncertainty and fear of the unknown... and weighted by our sorrow, we couldn't find a way out. thursday morning i woke feeling a bit more clear and contacted my midwife, wendy, from portland to ask for her advice. cramping had begun, and i felt them getting stronger as the day went on. the bleeding i was experiencing at this point was comparable to a light menstrual flow.. bright red blood. by thursday evening i received an email from wendy. thank goodness for her. her words brought me peace and i could feel her support - even though she was so many miles away. knowing now what to expect, i was able to embrace the miscarriage and move with it rather than against it in fear.

noticeable contractions began around 8pm thursday night. i recognized them differing from the cramping because they were coming in waves. they were mild and easy to sleep through.

at 1 am friday morning i woke with contractions that, while still mild, encouraged me to get on my feet and move around. i found it most comfortable to work through these by rotating my hips. at one point febri turned the light on and commented "you're dancing"... and, i suppose i was. everything happened quickly, contractions got very close together, and i sat on the toilet expecting to pass tissue, though not much came out. blood was still only a light flow. i began to feel clammy and dizzy and i called febri to come be with me. i put my head down low, i was sweating a lot...still clammy and dizzy, and febri rubbed my back as the contractions increased, then a few minutes later subsided. i laid down on the floor - febri brought me a banana and some water. after a couple minutes, i felt better and went back to the bedroom. within minutes i felt blood coming - i went back to the toilet and a gush of blood came from me - i felt clots fall as well. then i went back to bed (after drinking some water and eating a granola bar), it was now just after 2am, and caught an hour sleep or so.

i woke again to increasing contractions, though not as intense as before, and went back to the bathroom. i passed some blood again and started to feel cold and shiver. febri brought me a sweater, and i ate an egg. immediately, the shivering stopped. i was feeling better, but i knew it wasn't over yet. i was surprised at how easy things were going, but aware that there was more to come. febri had been collecting what my body was passing, and so far it was just some small clots and a bit of tissue. i was up and down for a bit - eating more food and staying hydrated, and continuing to go to the toilet expecting things to pass, but not seeing much. my bleeding was still light in between the bathroom trips. finally i went to the toilet and felt that there was something that needed to pass... a blood clot or something. i felt the need to push, and when i did i looked down expecting to see blood, but saw grey instead - and i knew it was the placenta. i pushed and pushed - which was an odd sensation. i wasn't feeling the uterus contracting.. and it didn't feel like i was pushing anything at all - but i knew it was there and it needed to come out. after a few pushes, the placenta and sac came out together. the sac was still intact, with fluid. i'd say the size of the placenta and sac was about equal to a grapefruit. the placenta looked healthy and it was amazing to see the gestational sac. there was little bleeding, and i felt good.

it was such a relief to see everything together and to know it was complete. i felt a calm wash over me, and ...though it's strange to say... a happiness. i felt peace.

yesterday afternoon we buried the placenta and sac in our yard. we said a prayer, and said goodbye.

and today, we move on.

life is so many things. so amazing, and sometimes so challenging. the experience of life and loss from my womb has been both amazing and challenging... and so much more. in the end, febri and i have come out stronger, more connected, and oh so grateful. and as a family, as we experience more loss, we recognize the never ending love... the balance, the beauty, the blessing... LOVE.

life goes on

well... here we are, in a new house, a new year, a new job, a new school... new neighbors, friends, parks... a new way of life. we've been through a lot these past few months.

many changes - many ups - many downs.

lots of gain.. but unfortunately, lots of loss too. lots of loss.

and, through it all... life goes on.

somehow, febri and i have managed to move up and out together, stronger, closer - and more joyful.

we find ourselves on the other side - where just weeks ago, the other side seemed impossible.

here we are in a new home - a great little home - in our first choice neighborhood. we are so happy to be here. we've been slowly pulling things together - making purchases - outfitting this house with belongings to make it home. luna has her very own room - which is a first for her - all three of us appreciate it SO much! her blocks and books and snugglies all have a place... so nice! we have a sweet little back yard, which is just calling for love... and veggies come spring... and little hands digging in the dirt. we have a lovely covered front porch - that is still waiting for the right furniture to support many summer evenings watching the neighborhood go by. the park and the market are just blocks away. work is an easy 30min train ride. things are finally falling into place.

the beginnings of luna's room

i'm feeling set...well, almost. it's surprising to me - we moved to this city...leaving behind so much, and - in a lot of ways - i was unhappy about the move. yet, here i find myself more settled than i felt in portland. despite the lack of friends, we've found incredible welcome from our neighbors. friends will come, and i hardly worry about this considering we've been here for a mere 2 weeks. already i have a rhythm at the wellness center - and work is busier all the time. we love all that is at our fingertips in this city - the galleries, museums, parks... and it's all accessible and free! yesterday we spent the afternoon at the zoo ... today luna and i will go check out some art while papa works on school stuff. having these activities to do (again, for FREE!) with a child is so great! and luna can't get enough.

so, here we are. and it feels good to be here. a big part is that i feel grounded here... already ... for the first time in a LONG time. we signed a three year lease (extendable to 5), that is a big deal for us. it's long enough to put down some roots... and envision our future together.

we are home. for now.

count your blessings

well... the leaves cover the ground.. the wind is blowing..

feliz navidad is seeping through the thin apartment walls of our house sit from the unit next door...

luna is sporting her hat... and some new mittens...

the grocery store was a battle ground today...

yes, it's that time of the year again.

tomorrow is thanksgiving, and while we try to reflect on the positives of our lives each night before bed (one of my favorite times with febri), thanksgiving is a particularly nice celebration in that it encourages all to be thankful.... although, many people are in it simply for the stuffed bird and pumpkin pie.

we've had a rough few months... and we're still in the thick of it.. MANY challenges are coming our way, and yet, we feel so grateful for what we have.

febri and i - each other - a love that is so strong and pure and without demands or expectations.

luNa.. our amazing baby girl... almost a year old - she's smart and healthy and beautiful - and she constantly makes us laugh and smile... and feel such pride as parents...

we have a support network around us - despite the distance we've put between ourselves and our friends and family - still, we feel the love..and it crosses the land and sea, and fills us up and makes us strong.

we have a sweet little temporary home ... rent free... while we find the perfect place to settle, and get on our feet in a new city... with a very different vibe from what we're accustomed to...

i have my incredible work - a job that pays the bills, and keeps me stimulated and intrigued, and oh so happy.... i love my work!

we're ...somehow in this crazy economy... still able to stay home with luna and keep her out of daycare and home with mama and papa where she belongs...

and the little things... the cuddles in the warm blankets, the sun on luna's face, the hot tea and the dark chocolate, febri's music and luna's dancing, the yummy creations febri cooks up in the kitchen with our wholesome organic whole-foods, the coffee shop down the street that has the WAY overpriced coffee that we still indulge in every once in a while because it's SO good...., luna's laugh and embrace.....

we are blessed....

now go on, give thanks!

happy holidays.

this too, shall pass

things are different now.... and i miss the way things were...

.....not that i'd change anything, but i do miss it.

i miss the thick portland days... with the clouds and the rain, and the sunshine that makes the most fabulous array of colors in the afternoon.

i miss going to the market every day - sometimes multiple times a day - for groceries... and always finding healthy, yummy and satisfying foods.

i miss my friends... the tea, the talks, the hugs.

and of course i miss the coffee.

i miss a lot about our old life.

our new (and very temporary) life finds us - a family of three - living in a room the size of my childhood bedroom... in fact, it is my childhood bedroom...[sigh]. we've been staying with my parents for the last four weeks, and things are beginning to feel claustrophobic to me. it doesn't help that the three of us are sharing a double bed... definitely going for the king when we move into our new home! my parents have been amazing, and i love (love love) that luna is bonding with her grandparents. it's so wonderful to watch my father and my daughter explore the yard together... water the plants... pick the veggies... that is beautiful.

but, i am SO ready for us to have our own space again.

i'm ready to meet new people. i'm ready to discover a new neighborhood... with new neighbors, and new parks... new markets...

last week we took luna to the library story time in a neighborhood we're considering settling in. it was SO good to see other mamas and papas there with their little ones. it was a great group of people ... young, diverse... it was encouraging... and since then i feel as though i've been grabbing at every opportunity to find a home there and get the ball rolling on our planting some roots.... but i know it's not time yet.

we have a lot on our plate right now. this new life is full of stress. we have much to do in order to make everything happen as we want it to... and at the same time, so much is out of our hands. we're trying to get ourselves on a plane to indonesia.... and it's proving difficult for a number of reasons. and as the stresses pile up, i feel the weight on my chest...... constricting my breath.....

there have been tears... lots of tears.... and i'm sure there are many more to come.... but we move forward....

the end is not yet in sight, but i do know that this too, shall pass.

on the road

it's 11pm. luna is asleep beside me. febri is watching tv (something he never gets to do at home). we are in fortuna, ca.... a million miles from home... in fact, i don't even know where home is...

2 days ago, after much stressful packing and selling (thank goodness for the loving help of friends, or i don't know how we would have managed it), we loaded up the wagon and hit the road. south through oregon and then southwest to the california coast. we have loved every minute of this adventure... us being febri and i, luna hasn't loved *every* minute. luna, however, has handled the road better than i imagined she would... she's acclimating to life in the car quite well, in fact.

today we spent some time in redwood forest and on the coast.... we had dinner at a funky little vietnamese restaurant and developed a new found love for our own home-cooked food... and then we took luna swimming in the hotel heated pool. i'm surprised i have the energy to sit and type this...but i want to get these thoughts down.

i have always been one to jump at the opportunity for travel/adventure... for change. now though, i suppose being a mother has altered things. my feelings are different, and though i'm enjoying these days on the road, i'm already anticipating our arrival on the opposite coast, and settling into a new home and rhythm. but, it will be a while before that day comes as we have more adventures in store. after we master the road and a short visit with family, we'll try our hand at international travel with an infant...

and that..... is a story for another day.

goodnight!

saying goodbye to friends

a much needed rest mid-drive

febri and luna taking in the west coast

ever amazing old-growth

summer!!!

well, summer has finally arrived in the pacific northwest! it made an appearance a couple times earlier in the year, but it seems as though now it is here to stay. it's been close to 100 degrees the last two days, and tomorrow is calling for the same. to escape the heat, we decided to take advantage of one of the great things about portland ... it's proximity to the coast .... and took luna on her first beach visit!

we all had a blast!

hope you're enjoying your summer!

5 on 5

tomorrow is cinco de mayo...and, tomorrow, luna will be 5 months old.

she's turning into such a little person - full of personality, expression, and love. i watch her take in the world around her... and i hold her tight..close to me, and i try to hold on to these fleeting moments. the most amazing times are when we look into each other's eyes - and time stands still - i've never had such a connection before, and it takes my breath away. this little being - that febri and i created - our love child.. she's growing up before our very eyes.

at 5 months luna can do lots of things:

*she can sit unaided! - though she usually topples over after a bit.... sometimes she catches herself with her hands... sometimes she face-plants ... she's learning :)

*luna has mastered her grasp - and she uses it for everything - including mama's hair and skin (ouch!)... and, she holds on tight to toys....until we're out in the rain, where she will surely let go :) ~ i'm learning

*she's showing a preference for certain music - a lot she is indifferent to, but certain songs she loves - and she shows us with a big smile... to other songs she promptly pouts and cries to let us know they are NOT her favorites.

*luna is not yet doing the "belly crawl", but she excels at doing 360s when placed on her tummy. it helps that she has a colorful activity mat to hold her interest .... (thanks uncle michael!) she is now more regularly rolling belly to back, and back to belly.

*she has begun thumb sucking ... this is new. up until now she has been a knuckle sucker, but it looks as though she is now preferring her thumb.

*luna is teething - big time. poor baby! i'm waiting to see the first pearly white, but i know it may be some time. we got luna an amber and hazelwood necklace from this website.. it's still too early to tell if it's easing her symptoms, but it sure is pretty on her sweet little neck :) !

luna's favorite things:

*going for neighborhood walks and visiting the neighbor's chickens.

*still LOVES taking baths

*"bubuy bulan" is her favorite song ... it's a sudanese song that papa sings to her...

"aku seorang kapiten" (an indonesian song) is a close second

she also thoroughly enjoys both "twinkle, twinkle little star" and "the itsy bitsy spider" - but i think mostly for the hand motions that i perform with them.

*luna has grown attached to her cloudb gentle giraffe... puts her right to sleep - and she's so cute snuggled up against it.

*luna enjoys stroller time (we finally got our dream ride - the 2010 uppababy vista), but still prefers being worn on mama or papa. we still use the wraps - but we've also started using a beco - and baby, mama, and papa are happy!

our tiny little baby is turning into a little person...changing every day.

here are some recent closeups:

how old?

it's funny how people assume luna is a little boy all the time. it's also funny how many people ask "how old is HE?" even when she is dressed in pink from head to toe (which isn't often). i can pick out the mothers who "have been there" because they're the ones who simply ask "how old?".. leaving out the he/she. for whatever reason, fathers don't seem to learn from experience in this department..? it doesn't bother me that folks think she's a boy... and it certainly doesn't bother luna... but, i do think it's funny. here are some recent photos:

luna in a sweet little onesie made by my friend janessa (fortesdesign.com)

waking up from nap

fast asleep with papaw (my dad)

and at the chinese gardens with mia and papaw

reflections

at almost 19 weeks post-partum, i think i'm finally figuring out how to do it all. some days, most days actually, i manage to not only take good care of luna, but also of myself... and pretty good care of the house as well. i've worked out a system .. wake, breakfast, vacuum, nap, shower, ... i won't bore you with the details, but i will say, i feel pretty good. in fact, i feel like wonder woman .. minus the spandex and arm cuffs.

our little house has quickly become tiny, especially with a visit from mia and papaw (my parents) last week and the addition of a jumper and rocking horse. we've been planning to move into a bigger house for some time, but that move might be a bit farther than we anticipated. more on that later.... but, for now, we're staying put in a too small house - and so, we're grateful for the sunny days that allow us to escape into the outdoors.

today luna and i had the pleasure of taking two nice walks with two amazing women (and one beautiful little baby). the combination of the sunshine, the landscape in bloom, and good conversation with close friends made for a lovely day. it's days like this that i count my blessings. and i am so blessed.

as night falls, i sit in a quiet house with a cup of tea, and a sleeping babe. just waiting in anticipation. ~tomorrow is friday...family day... a day filled with luna AND febri... snuggling, laughing, dancing- together... just the three of us. i look forward to friday all week...

the man i love

it's been 3 weeks since febri started school. 3 weeks of adjusting to a new schedule. 3 weeks of going to bed with only luna. i love snuggling with my warm, sweet, angelic little babe.. but honestly, i can't shake the loneliness that exists without febri. i keep thinking it will get easier, but it's always the same... every night ... the gaping hole that febri once filled.

this is, of course, only 4 days a week - but it feels like 10 - the other 3 days we reserve for family time - where we soak up all that is febri,

all that is papa,

all that is the man i love.

in just 11 weeks, he'll be ours again. that is, until summer term begins....

april showers....

daylight savings...is it already time for that? spring is coming, and as it should be, plenty of change is coming with it. febri has decided to go back to school and will be starting classes at the university here at the end of the month. he'll be going to school full time, and also continuing to work full time...it will be challenging for him...and for me....and for our family - even still, i'm so excited for him to embark on this long overdue journey. it does put a halt in our plans to move overseas, but that's only mildly disappointing considering the benefits reaped in staying stateside, and hearing the joy in my parents voices upon learning their grand-daughter would remain across the country rather than half-way around the world. as i envision how my life will be over the next few months, i gain a whole new respect for single mamas .. or mamas of multiples... i mean, i guess you do what you have to do...that's what being a mama is about....mothering.
speaking of mamas - i've been one now for over three months! luna turned 14 weeks old yesterday - and last night, she consciously grasped her first toy and pulled it to her mouth. if only you could have seen feb and i ... such proud parents! luna is also doing other fun things:

~ she loves to talk to herself (and us) in the mirror.
~ she totally gets into mimicking high voices and pouty voices - that's a really fun game!
~ peek-a-boo and story-time are now regular activities
~ she's accepted the pacifier..though not as a sucker - just as a teether..& only while hanging in the wrap (probably her favorite place). she still detests both the bottle and the car seat - but not with as much passion as before
~ she accidentally discovered that she likes drinking bath water - and it's now nearly impossible to keep her head above water during bath-time



we have begun to take luna to various baby gatherings (book babies at the library, song groups, etc) because we feel the exposure and interaction is beneficial to her development. she really seems to enjoy watching the other babes - even releasing the occasional squeal of delight. and, she's growing - right before my very eyes.

spring will bring more changes, as we plan for travel, a wedding, and a crawling baby... and it will also spring newness, beauty, and a fresh perspective.... and so, we welcome it with open arms.

here's squeakin' at you, kid

lots of new-ness around here...which i guess can be expected with a newborn in the house.
this week luna had her first encounter with a stranger who made her cry. we were in whole foods getting rice in the bulk isle. luna was happily taking in the sites from the safety of the sleepy wrap when a woman walked up to us and commented on how beautiful she thinks mixed race babies are ~ luna being no exception. ok, i said thank you - and she asked if she could touch luna on the outside of the wrap...i appreciated her asking. it surprises me how many people will just up and touch a baby...their hands, their cheeks...i know babies are cute, but come on people - what germs are you passing on to my knuckle-sucking little babe? anyway, i told her to go ahead and touch away (she wasn't touching luna after all). but then, she let loose into full on baby talk...calling luna a "yum yum head" and other things just as ridiculous that i can't remember now...finally luna just started screaming, letting the whole grocery store know of her disapproval. febri and i smiled, and calmed luna down - and the lady apologized and went on her way. i don't blame luna...that sort of thing doesn't happen every day. up until now, it has been all smiles for everyone she meets. after that incident though, i braced myself every time someone wanted to say hi to luna, thinking the tears might burst free again...but, they didn't...again - just smiles. my cute babe!

luna got her first teether toy - the infamous sophie giraffe. she loves it! febri and i, not knowing what teether is better than the next, decided to just go with the popular one. we're happy we did - it's so cute to see luna smile and laugh when she sees sophie and hears her squeak. it's torture, though, for poor namaali - lover of squeaky toys. first, we have a baby who gets all the attention ... and now, she gets the new squeaky toys too. but, i have to say - this amazing dog - she has been very respectful of luna's right to also own a squeaky toy. however, we're careful not to leave sophie within doggy reach when we leave the house....







luna also got some new clothes! in case you forgot, we thought luna was a boy while she was still in the womb. we bought clothes that were suitable for a boy...though not the dump truck, doggy, and tool chest kind of boy clothes... just cute 'boy colored' clothes - that could be worn on a girl...just in case. so, luna has been wearing some super cute clothes...only, everyone she meets thinks she's a boy - just because her pants are blue. so...since she's grown out of so many of her boy's apparel line, we bagged up the too-small clothes, and made a trip to the consignment shop. it was SO much fun shopping in the girls section! we found some great bargains - and with the trade in, it all only cost a couple bucks. i'll post pictures of this sweet little girl (sometimes still called a boy) in her new duds soon!

until then, all is well in luna's land.....

2 months...where's the pause button?

yesterday i visited my friend crystal. she's over-due, at 41 and a half weeks, with her first babe. she's holding up wonderfully, and it was a pleasure to see her in all her beauty and abundance ~ it took me back to how those final days before labor felt. the fullness, the excitement, the anticipation...

how can it be that 10 weeks have passed since i was in crystal's shoes? my little girl is over two months old now...she's growing up so fast already!! everyone warns you how the time will fly...it is flying, and i'm sure it will continue blaze past.

luna is on a roll in the development department. it's so amazing to watch her learn and discover the ways her body works, and it's beautiful to witness her reactions to the world around her. she is finally giving namaali some attention - and luna's hands and feet are also frequently acknowledged.

at 2 months:

*luna seems to really enjoy tummy-time. i think she likes the workout. she hasn't quite mastered the art of rolling...but she sure is getting close.

*she's becoming a pro at head control. i'm so excited to be able to hold her differently in the wrap ... but i want to give it a few more weeks ....

*luna now has a bedtime - and it's WONDERFUL. she's eased right into this routine and she will generally sleep 7-8 hours before she's ready to eat, then another 3 hours. it's been great for febri and i - we are able to have some time together to connect again apart from luna...not to mention the extra sleep time.

*she loves to stand while being supported...her legs are really strong, and she kicks them wildly about while lying on the floor. she's also taken to kicking me awake at night...i'm not sure if i prefer kicks or cries....hmmm?

*luna is discovering more and more sounds everyday.. and laughing at new sounds she hears from us... we seem to greatly amuse her, which of course amuses us in return. and conversations with this girl are becoming quite lengthy...she's a talker!

*she is pretty much only in 3-6 month clothes now, and her hats actually fit her head rather than falling over her eyes.

we continue to be the proud parents that we are, and we delight in time spent with this gorgeous growing babe. i finally caught that brilliant smile on film:




and here are a few more cuts from a typical day in luna's life:






the adventure continues.....