the chaos and beauty of birth

the clues

the day it all began, things were pretty ordinary....or, at least what i had become accustomed to in the last weeks of pregnancy. braxton hicks contractions were frequent... i felt heavy..crampy.. my back hurt..my legs hurt..... i was ready. it was one day past my due date (and one day before the due date my midwives had on record...long story there). i was waiting for my friend to come visit and give me an acupuncture induction - and wondering if that would move things along. about an hour later, i got a call from my friend - she had never been to our new house, and failed in her attempt to find it (portland neighborhoods can be tricky sometimes). she is a rad lady who doesn't rely on a cell phone - which is great...except in situations like these. she had to drive all the way home, and then call from there to tell me she couldn't find me - instead of her coming back that night, we decided to reschedule for the following afternoon.
when febri got home, i asked if he would apply pressure to the points on my back that erin would have needled. while he did that, i needled the points i could reach easily, and felt i had a pretty good treatment...all things considered. febri made dinner, and i caught up on email. it was during this time (around 7 pm) i realized my braxton hicks contractions were really frequent...coming anywhere from 5-8 minutes apart. i started recording them - more out of curiosity than anything else. febri made an amazing dinner, as usual, and i was bummed that i felt really full - and a little uncomfortable - and just couldn't eat more than a few bites. that was weird...
after dinner we decided to go for a walk to see if the contractions would pick up at all....it was so cold outside!....we walked around the neighborhood, and things did get stronger..i even had to stop a couple times. still, i wasn't convinced things were happening...after coming home we layed in bed and put a movie on...i felt fine, and went to sleep around 11:30. at 1am a contraction woke me...a painful one....whoa. febri was enjoying his friday night with movie #2. i went to the bathroom, then got back into bed - wham! - another contraction - 5min from the first. i turned to febri and suggested he get some sleep - this could be the start of labor. he turned the computer off, and started to get comfortable. another contraction...again 5 min...ok, i told febri - you better get the birthpool ready, this is it!

the labor

contractions were coming every five minutes. between them, i was helping febri prepare for the birth....putting plastic over the bed, setting up the lights and music, lighting the labor candle that had been filled with blessings from those at our baby shower. it wasn't long though (about an hour) before i was unable to continue helping because the contractions were intense, and i needed to rest between them. they continued to come very 5 minutes, but were growing in strength...i found the best position to be in was on all fours - or supporting myself with the birth ball. febri rubbed my back during the rushes and i was surprised at how exhausted i was after each one.
around 3:30am we paged the midwife. she called back quickly, and i answered the phone. i told her what was happening, and i had to put the phone down through a contraction - she told us to call her back in about an hour to let her know how it was going. i continued to labor as febri continued filling the pool. i was feeling weak, so decided to have a spoonful of peanut butter and some orange juice. at some point through all of this, i went to the bathroom and noticed blood when wiping...i took this as proof that my cervix was dilating! after another 2 hours, we called linda (our midwife) again. she told us she was going to walk her dog and would be over shortly... febri got on the phone with her and this time told her what i had left out - that my contractions had actually started at 7pm the previous evening - (i had only deemed the *painful* contractions important information to relay) linda said she'd be right over.
i started to feel really nauseous after each contraction - febri brought me a bowl in case i needed to vomit, but i never had to use it. i was also getting really shaky...i took these signs to mean i was in transition... but it was all the same to me. contractions were still about 5 minutes apart, and continuing to grow in intensity. i was now moaning through each rush...and falling asleep between them. when linda arrived (around 6:30 or 7am), she checked my pulse and blood pressure, and the baby's heartbeat. she also gave me what would be my one and only internal exam my entire pregnancy and announced that i was 6cm dilated. woohoo...over half way! this is where things really begin to become a blur.
linda asked me for a urine test...i took the stick into the bathroom, but completely forgot to use it. what i did discover was a large bloody show and mucous plug...ok - here we go! i continued laboring on the floor in the living room. as i felt each contraction coming i called for febri for support. he was my rock through labor - i could not have done it without him....well, i would have done it - no choice, but febri was the only thing i was concerned about. i put all of my focus on him, and as labor proceeded i began to panic if he wasn't near when i felt the next contraction building. i was also keenly focused on the pain of each rush...i realize now that things may have been easier if my focus were less on the pain - but at the time, i was very much in it - consumed.. i experienced labor to its full extent. linda decided to leave febri and i alone, and went to the bedroom to rest a while. i felt the contractions becoming more difficult to get though...my moans became louder...and i wanted to move to the pool. i was concerned my contractions, still at 5 min, might slow down if i got into the water, so i decided to hold out a little longer. as the contractions grew in intensity, i made it my goal to get through one at a time. when i thought i couldn't take the pain of another rush, i promised myself to make it through one more - then i would reward myself by moving to the birthing pool. i made this promise several times and continued to labor out of the water - every minute my mind building the birthing pool up as a warm water oasis that would diminish all pain...ahhh, what a reward for all of my hard work!
finally i decided it was time. i walked to the bedroom and asked linda if she thought it was too early for me to get in the water. she said to give it a go - if labor slowed, i could always get out. febri helped me into the pool - the water felt warm as i reclined and waited for the next contraction, which would be,undoubtedly, pain free. i was SO disappointed when the next contraction (and each thereafter) came with the same pain and intensity as those before. being in the water made NO difference...boo! well, no matter, i had to continue laboring..and so, that's what i did. the water didn't slow the contractions ~ in fact, it seemed to speed them up a bit. i was progressing well when debbie, the assistant midwife arrived. debbie brought with her a breath of fresh air - and i felt a little bit rejuvenated ~ maybe it was the brief reconnection i had with the outside world.
the last two hours of labor i remember very little of... i know i was leaning over the side of the tub - still on all fours for each contraction - and drinking lots of water in between. the contractions got stronger and i could feel the heaviness of the baby descending........the midwives checked things out and decided it would be best for me to get out of the water so they could pull the anterior lip of my cervix over the baby's head to help things progress. i got out of the water and layed on the floor. linda proceeded to move the cervical lip - and POP! my water broke and gushed onto the floor. i then got back into the pool and awaited my next contraction. this, i think, is when things really started moving along. i felt a burning pressure - and though the intensity of each contraction came every couple minutes, the burning pressure was continuous. this part of labor was tough - but satisfying because i could feel the progress - the baby was coming! i pushed for a while (actually, all told, i pushed for just under an hour) and could feel the baby crowning. however, at the end of each contraction, i felt her head move back up the cervix. finally, linda and debbie suggested taking a new position by turning over on my back to labor. they were afraid the baby would go into distress if in the birth canal too long. i wasn't thrilled to take this new position, but i felt the midwives knew best - so over i went.

the birth

this new position didn't feel as uncomfortable as i had dreaded. once i was on my back, i heard febri yell out in surprise and excitement, and i looked down to see the crowning of my baby and her full head of hair. this moment caught my breath - it was awesome. debbie told me to reach down and feel my baby - i did.....amazing. but, i was still in a lot of pain - and i was ready to finish this! when linda suggested i feel my baby again, i promptly informed her i already had, and i was ready to push. i was instructed to push gently with the next contraction...i didn't know what that meant. when i felt the rush come on, i pushed - and pushed - until i felt her head come out. debbie told me to keep pushing - i asked if i could rest a minute (this was hard work!) - she said no, she's almost here - push! i pushed, and felt the great release and relief as my baby came out of my body and into the water. i pulled her to my chest and gazed at her as the world around me fell away completely. it was just me and my baby - and i was so proud, and so in love - immediately...what an incredible feeling! i couldn't believe how perfect she was - every last bit of her... perfect. gradually, the voices around me filtered through the haze, and i heard voices asking if it was a boy or girl. this hadn't even occurred to me, as we were expecting a boy. the low lights and murky water made it hard to see, so i reached down to feel, and thought..hmmm...., this doesn't feel like a boy. i said - i think it's a girl! someone got a flashlight and shined it on her - sure enough, a girl. i heard febri on the phone announcing luna's arrival to my parents - i could hear the joy in his voice...such a happy moment!

the afterbirth ----- story to come.....