Friday, October 30, 2009

hold on, here we go!

so...i'm pregnant. and, i feel very pregnant. i guess i am very least according to some people. i'm now 35 weeks - that's only 2 weeks from full term - 13 days actually, but who's counting? i wouldn't mind all the very pregnant symptoms if only we were already past the 37 week point. i don't want to have this little bambino in a hospital...and week 37 is the earliest my midwives will perform a home-birth. so, here we are...counting the days...and i'm trying to stay off my feet as much as possible while we do.

this week my friends are going to help me make a belly cast. this is something i wasn't initially interested in doing..i mean - what do you do with it once you've finished?? i know some people hang it on the wall...that's cool - whatever...but we're not really at a point in our lives where collecting irregularly shaped art is possible. have i mentioned we're moving to indonesia sometime in the next year? maybe as early as 3 months? anyway... the more i thought about it, the more i thought making a bowl from the belly cast would be cool. at least, in my mind it's VERY cool - we'll see when it's actually finished. i saw this website online where people cast their bellies, then send them to a company that bronzes them...the bowls all come out with their very own tones...pretty neat. pretty expensive too - and i'd be happy with just a large fruit bowl..well, again, in my mind...we will see.

Friday, October 23, 2009

the chaos of maternity photography

Well, tomorrow we're going to have maternity photos taken. In theory, this seems like a great idea - I mean, I want to remember what my belly looks like...and unfortunately we haven't been great with documenting...
But, in actuality, maternity photography is crap. I don't know why everything baby (even remotely baby) has to be so cheesy. Photographers should be able to capture this fleeting moment...which is the most amazing life experience....without playing on society's pastel inclinations. Luckily, with the help of craigslist, we were able to find a photographer fresh out of school whose portfolio exhibits her amazing use of natural light in edgy imagery. We're thrilled she's interested in stepping into this peaches-and-cream world with us...and we look forward to beautiful photos that illustrate the reality of our current lives with this little one inside.

Lately, I've been feeling more pregnant. Now almost 35 weeks through this adventure, it's getting harder to get up and down, out of bed, off the couch, off the bus, up the name it. Considering though that I am still able to do these things...just a little slower than normal....I think I can safely say this has been an easy pregnancy. Fingers crossed, I hope the last few weeks prenatal continue to be good to me and the little babe. I'm waiting for that day when I wake up proclaiming "ok, enough! get this baby out of me!!" So far though, so good....pregnancy has been, for the most part, enjoyable. So for now, we shall sit back and watch the next few days and weeks unfold....we can't wait to meet -face to face- this little life we've created.

Friday, October 16, 2009

the chaos begins....

So this is a new first post. I've blogged before, but thought it would be nice to vent about life in a new I am.

Here I am...33 weeks pregnant. Whoa! When did that happen? That's how I feel. The pregnancy, as a whole, has been the most amazing experience..nothing compares. But, wow - it can really throw a woman for a loop! My head is spinning as I think about the last 8 months...and the next 10 weeks! Hard to imagine too much beyond that. For now.. that is enough.

Today is one of those days (there haven't been many) where I feel sad...out of control everything makes me cry sad...what is this? I have never had emotions like this outside of being pregnant. But they've slammed me in the face now a few times.
We're having our baby shower/blessing tomorrow. I'm feeling 100% unprepared! So much to do still...and here I am....sad..not really functioning on the level I need to be to actually be productive. And, why are we having this celebration? To honor the little babe celebrate this amazing thing that's happening....bringing a life into the world...gosh..what's worth celebrating, if not that?? And I really want to pull it together for this little one...and yet, because I'm pregnant, I can't.....I'm sad.....oh, life.

Last night we inflated the birthing pool. It was delivered day before yesterday with a big neon sticker instructing us to "OPEN IMMEDIATELY" but to not use anything sharp...duh. We arrived home around 9:30 - I was exhausted.. to find the package with instructions to be carried out within 48hrs.... what? Really? Is any pregnant woman really in a place where she has the time within a 48hr window to lug a heavy box inside....peel off tape (graciously applied, mind you) with fingernails (as not to use anything sharp)... and proceed to inflate this enormous pool? .....Last night, we undertook this task - our 48hr window dwindling ...even though we had more pressing things (preparing for baby blessing)... and finished in a little over an hour...everything checked need to return...whew. I realized as I climbed inside the pool how the birth...the actual birth...still doesn't seem like a reality. The pregnancy certainly is, and the baby being here in our arms is fathomable...but the labor and birth is farther from reality than I knew. Sitting in that pool I said out loud.."this will be us in a couple weeks"....and I thought about that...and it seemed like a dream...easy to dismiss with the pool itself, as we folded it up and put it in the closet. Hmm.... Febri is certainly focused on the birth...he seems to have thought things through much more than myself. He even wanted me to act out labor...and lean on the pool sides holding onto the handles as he rubbed my back....he's already there...ready for anything it seems. That gives me relief as I ponder what my disassociation with my labor is. Hmmm...

Well, for now my focus is on motivating myself to actually get off the couch...dry my eyes, and prepare for the big day tomorrow. I will be happy...this too, shall pass.