Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Meet Elan

Elan Surjana - Lotus born 8/20/12 10:07am

being still (well, as still as possible with a 2 year old) as a family this past week has given me many moments to reflect on our journey up to now.  i find myself remembering all the difficulties we've encountered, and then the balance the blessings have brought.  this sweet baby boy, our little Elan is definitely a blessing.  coming at a time of great struggle for us in other areas of our lives, Elan has reminded us of the importance of love.  life can get so stressful, and hectic, and filled with clutter, that it's easy to forget what we're living for.  LOVE.  our family... these special moments that make everything else disappear.  in the days since Elan's birth, i find myself looking at Febri and being filled with emotion - i love this man so much... an incredible partner, and an amazing father.  and Luna... what can i say?... i'm so proud and so in awe of the person she's becoming, and so honored to be her mama.  and now, this new little babe - and already he's filled my heart when i thought it was already overflowing.

we are so happy to be on the other side of this pregnancy.  to have reached this mile marker on our journey.  and to have been given such a special gift - our prince, Elan.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

then there were 2

here he is.......!

the second time around has been such a different experience!  after an amazingly mellow labor at home, our little babe came into our world on August 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm.  he weighed slightly less than Luna - just 7lbs 4oz, and he announced his arrival with a wail.  Luna sang the ABC's while I pushed him out - with proud Papa rooting us all.  we feel so happy to be on this side of the adventure, and we're soaking in the moments of these first few days....falling in love as a family.

more soon.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Moving On

I'm sitting here, in an almost empty house, on a rare quiet morning (Luna is actually sleeping in (!) with Febri)... and it's all hitting me.  It will be hard to say goodbye to this house.  This weekend we're moving, and while I'm so excited about what we gain, I'm feeling emotional about what we lose.  I laid in bed this morning watching the filtered sunlight stream through the curtains and fill the room with a golden's soooo beautiful... and I remembered when Febri and I painted that room, and then I thought about how perfect the wall color is with the curtains - and how peaceful it is to sleep there with my family.  And, I know we can paint another room and make it just as lovely, but it's the energy that's here... and the memories.  We've only been in this house a year and a half, maybe it's being a parent... I don't know.  Luna was just a babe when we moved in - barely a year old.  We didn't have furniture for months, and then we carefully selected each piece to fit the narrow rooms and match the character of these walls that house us.  Luna has said over and over during this process that she doesn't want to move, that she loves this home.  This is the only home she's ever *really known... she's learned so much under this roof.... ah, again - the memories.

Our new home is awesome.  We have an amazing yard - overgrown with an array of plants and flowers - which means we have some work ahead of us, but also a magical world to discover - Luna's already met ladybugs, caterpillars, birds, and squirrels in passing... and we're just blocks from a marshy wildlife preserve... and I'm thrilled that Luna will get to know nature this way.  We also have a fireplace - which takes me back to life with Febri before babies - a home we had where we loved lazing in front of the warm fire on rainy winter nights in PDX... and we're looking forward to that warmth again.    We have a dedicated play room, an office, a sewing room (yay!)... more space to LIVE and LOVE and BE.

It's bittersweet.

Friday, January 6, 2012

journaling 9 weeks

I don't journal anymore..... I don't keep up with the blog much either.  I was thinking about this the other day, and realized that the last time I was making regular journal entries was when Luna was just a few months old.  Guess things have just gotten away from me.  But I'm glad I kept a journal regularly (up until then) because I can look back on it now and compare what I'm feeling now to what I was feeling then.  "Then" being 9 weeks pregnant with Luna.  YEP - I'm nine weeks pregnant!  As if we don't have enough going on right now, we're adding a pregnancy to the list.  And, for those of you who have been pregnant before, you can probably relate to 1st trimester fatigue, and maybe even nausea.  I've had both - and they've made it challenging to keep up with my full plate.... a plate that includes midwifery school, a busy Chinese medicine practice, the opening of a new (private practice) clinic and all that that entails, entertaining a two year old who has learned the wonder of asking "why?", and supporting a very-busy-with-his-own-crazy-life-stuff partner ("crazy-life-stuff" including but not limited to school, work, and kid.... and taking care of his pregnant partner).  Whew - and why don't I journal anymore?

So I've decided that while I'm certainly busy.... and I am busy, I want to be able to look back on this amazing time some day in the future, and remember what it was like - through my words.  Journaling is great in so many ways... it allows release, and it holds a place in time.........
I'm not one to make new year's resolutions, but I have resolved to journal again and to capture these fleeting moments so I can one day look back and smile.

I hope the new year brings many blessings and smiles to all of you!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

how do i love luna? let me count the ways....

1. i love how whenever papa and i hug each other, you come running to us saying "luna, luna" because three-way hugs are so much better.

2. i love how you piled all of your stuffed animals on me this morning while i was still sleeping... and then you sat patiently until i opened my eyes to you and your gorgeous smile.

3. i love the way you insist sometimes on holding my hand... even if you're being pushed in the stroller, sitting in your car-seat, eating in your highchair, or being carried by papa.

4. i love the way you squeal when you see me after i've been gone a while.... fills me up.

5. i love your love of nature - and the way you collect stones and then go through your collection one by one, slowly and with great intent.

6. i love how sometimes, when we're walking with the beco, you just wrap your arms and legs around me and squeeze... and i feel your love.

7. i love the way you break out into a dance when you hear a good beat... from the cd player, a passing car on the street, your papa strumming the guitar, or the speakers at the grocery store.

8. i love how much you enjoy reading books. how you love the books aimed at children years older than you ... the ones with paragraphs and paragraphs of writing... how you sit patiently listening, eager- yet fully content.

9. i love the way you hold my cheeks in your little hands, and pull my nose to yours for a warm 'eskimo kiss'.

10. and, i love how your first words have turned into your first short sentences and how, when i ask you a question ending in "ok"?, you answer - so enthusiastically - "oh-tay"! be continued....

Friday, July 1, 2011


what a crazy world we live in...

as i age, and experience... and grow... i often find myself wondering more about the lack of responsibility, and the naive perspective, the majority of those around me seem to take.

we have fit right into our sweet capitol hill home - on our friendly little block - every day setting out on foot to the market, or the park, or the library - watching the other mamas and babes in their bumblerides and phil and teds take to the same tree lined streets.... wondering when we'll meet some like minded folks... when we'll make some lasting connections.

to sum it up: i'm happy here. but to be honest, this city seems shallow. i love that so much is going on. it's actually a really great city on so many levels...... which is why it's confusing to me that, while i've met so many people with broad backgrounds and experience, i have yet hold a meaningful conversation with any of them. well, almost. i have made one friend here - thank goodness for her! but, while i'm excited about living here in DC for many reasons, i'm so let down by the empty, thoughtless lives of those surrounding me.

i really wish we, as humans, could take a more active role in the lives we live. i find myself complaining daily about the ignorance so blatant around me. why can't people be more responsible about their diets, their healthcare, their birthing options, what they put in and on and around their children, how they clean their homes, how they grow their food... why can't we stop fighting eachother, stop blindly following those before us, ask more questions, give more answers...

maybe it's just my mood tonight.
my friend, erin, is in greece right now. a crew member of the freedom flotilla to gaza. standing up for what she feels is important. making an impact... in her life and in all those that touch hers. tonight i'm thinking about her, detained by the the greek military, unable to sail - to spread her strength and love.... but standing strong.
and, as i sit here on this tranquil summer night - amidst the fireflies and dim lights of the surrounding homes, baby monitor in hand - erin is my inspiration.

greek embassy washington dc: 202-939-1300 let them sail!

Friday, April 15, 2011

spring ... in all it's glory

i'm not sure why i never recognized it growing up on the east coast, but spring is really beautiful in this neck of the woods. i guess i did recognize it, but i don't know that i gave it enough credit. now, after spending many years living in other parts of the country, i have returned to live just hours from where i grew up. and after a cold and trying winter, wow(!) spring is good in DC.

it's amazing to see this city come alive. the warmth from the sun -the blossoms and green on the trees, the outdoor markets... the flowers. so lovely to take a stroll to the park - and soak it all in... and even more amazing to share the wonder with my sweet little babe... strike that.. little GIRL.

luna is definitely a dirt worshiper. she LOVES being outside (i think she loves it even more than books)... taking notice of all the beauty... fingers in the soil... nose in the flowers....
when we go to the market, she stops to smell every flower bundle on the way in... E V E R Y one. she scrutinizingly collects stones on our walks and park visits - we have a jar to save them in. she says hello and goodnight to the moon (depending on it's phase), listens to the birds, and with eyes closed breathes with the wind. nature child.

this week we visited my parents... the house i grew up in. as i walked around the land with luna collecting flowers, watching rabbits, and feeling the breeze, i realized how life has come full circle. febri, walking along side of me, asked if i used to imagine myself grown up with my own child where i had played as a little girl. i don't know that i ever did. but it caught me - the beauty of sharing with luna the very wonders i took in when i was a little one. playing in the same grass, by the same trees, captivated by the same beauty surrounding.

parenting has been a beautiful experience all around, but it took a string of recent events and the coming of spring to give such powerful perspective on the wisdom of this life we live. i've always been one to appreciate what i have, to respect the people and nature around me, and to meditate on the gifts life offers. but, being a mother has colored my days more brightly, enhancing and filling each moment with a love i could never imagine or prepare for.
there are many moments that i wish we were already living abroad. many times i've counted the months before we leave this city. but it's not because i'm uncomfortable where we are, it's because i'm anxious to get where we're going. mothering reminds me to appreciate the past, to look forward to the future, but most importantly, to enjoy and be still in the present. i'm not quite sure how we ended up where we are today, but i'm incredibly thankful for it.

in luna's cubby (as we call it). can you tell she's getting bigger?