this too, shall pass

things are different now.... and i miss the way things were...

.....not that i'd change anything, but i do miss it.

i miss the thick portland days... with the clouds and the rain, and the sunshine that makes the most fabulous array of colors in the afternoon.

i miss going to the market every day - sometimes multiple times a day - for groceries... and always finding healthy, yummy and satisfying foods.

i miss my friends... the tea, the talks, the hugs.

and of course i miss the coffee.

i miss a lot about our old life.

our new (and very temporary) life finds us - a family of three - living in a room the size of my childhood bedroom... in fact, it is my childhood bedroom...[sigh]. we've been staying with my parents for the last four weeks, and things are beginning to feel claustrophobic to me. it doesn't help that the three of us are sharing a double bed... definitely going for the king when we move into our new home! my parents have been amazing, and i love (love love) that luna is bonding with her grandparents. it's so wonderful to watch my father and my daughter explore the yard together... water the plants... pick the veggies... that is beautiful.

but, i am SO ready for us to have our own space again.

i'm ready to meet new people. i'm ready to discover a new neighborhood... with new neighbors, and new parks... new markets...

last week we took luna to the library story time in a neighborhood we're considering settling in. it was SO good to see other mamas and papas there with their little ones. it was a great group of people ... young, diverse... it was encouraging... and since then i feel as though i've been grabbing at every opportunity to find a home there and get the ball rolling on our planting some roots.... but i know it's not time yet.

we have a lot on our plate right now. this new life is full of stress. we have much to do in order to make everything happen as we want it to... and at the same time, so much is out of our hands. we're trying to get ourselves on a plane to indonesia.... and it's proving difficult for a number of reasons. and as the stresses pile up, i feel the weight on my chest...... constricting my breath.....

there have been tears... lots of tears.... and i'm sure there are many more to come.... but we move forward....

the end is not yet in sight, but i do know that this too, shall pass.

on the road

it's 11pm. luna is asleep beside me. febri is watching tv (something he never gets to do at home). we are in fortuna, ca.... a million miles from home... in fact, i don't even know where home is...

2 days ago, after much stressful packing and selling (thank goodness for the loving help of friends, or i don't know how we would have managed it), we loaded up the wagon and hit the road. south through oregon and then southwest to the california coast. we have loved every minute of this adventure... us being febri and i, luna hasn't loved *every* minute. luna, however, has handled the road better than i imagined she would... she's acclimating to life in the car quite well, in fact.

today we spent some time in redwood forest and on the coast.... we had dinner at a funky little vietnamese restaurant and developed a new found love for our own home-cooked food... and then we took luna swimming in the hotel heated pool. i'm surprised i have the energy to sit and type this...but i want to get these thoughts down.

i have always been one to jump at the opportunity for travel/adventure... for change. now though, i suppose being a mother has altered things. my feelings are different, and though i'm enjoying these days on the road, i'm already anticipating our arrival on the opposite coast, and settling into a new home and rhythm. but, it will be a while before that day comes as we have more adventures in store. after we master the road and a short visit with family, we'll try our hand at international travel with an infant...

and that..... is a story for another day.

goodnight!

saying goodbye to friends

a much needed rest mid-drive

febri and luna taking in the west coast

ever amazing old-growth

summer!!!

well, summer has finally arrived in the pacific northwest! it made an appearance a couple times earlier in the year, but it seems as though now it is here to stay. it's been close to 100 degrees the last two days, and tomorrow is calling for the same. to escape the heat, we decided to take advantage of one of the great things about portland ... it's proximity to the coast .... and took luna on her first beach visit!

we all had a blast!

hope you're enjoying your summer!

5 on 5

tomorrow is cinco de mayo...and, tomorrow, luna will be 5 months old.

she's turning into such a little person - full of personality, expression, and love. i watch her take in the world around her... and i hold her tight..close to me, and i try to hold on to these fleeting moments. the most amazing times are when we look into each other's eyes - and time stands still - i've never had such a connection before, and it takes my breath away. this little being - that febri and i created - our love child.. she's growing up before our very eyes.

at 5 months luna can do lots of things:

*she can sit unaided! - though she usually topples over after a bit.... sometimes she catches herself with her hands... sometimes she face-plants ... she's learning :)

*luna has mastered her grasp - and she uses it for everything - including mama's hair and skin (ouch!)... and, she holds on tight to toys....until we're out in the rain, where she will surely let go :) ~ i'm learning

*she's showing a preference for certain music - a lot she is indifferent to, but certain songs she loves - and she shows us with a big smile... to other songs she promptly pouts and cries to let us know they are NOT her favorites.

*luna is not yet doing the "belly crawl", but she excels at doing 360s when placed on her tummy. it helps that she has a colorful activity mat to hold her interest .... (thanks uncle michael!) she is now more regularly rolling belly to back, and back to belly.

*she has begun thumb sucking ... this is new. up until now she has been a knuckle sucker, but it looks as though she is now preferring her thumb.

*luna is teething - big time. poor baby! i'm waiting to see the first pearly white, but i know it may be some time. we got luna an amber and hazelwood necklace from this website.. it's still too early to tell if it's easing her symptoms, but it sure is pretty on her sweet little neck :) !

luna's favorite things:

*going for neighborhood walks and visiting the neighbor's chickens.

*still LOVES taking baths

*"bubuy bulan" is her favorite song ... it's a sudanese song that papa sings to her...

"aku seorang kapiten" (an indonesian song) is a close second

she also thoroughly enjoys both "twinkle, twinkle little star" and "the itsy bitsy spider" - but i think mostly for the hand motions that i perform with them.

*luna has grown attached to her cloudb gentle giraffe... puts her right to sleep - and she's so cute snuggled up against it.

*luna enjoys stroller time (we finally got our dream ride - the 2010 uppababy vista), but still prefers being worn on mama or papa. we still use the wraps - but we've also started using a beco - and baby, mama, and papa are happy!

our tiny little baby is turning into a little person...changing every day.

here are some recent closeups:

how old?

it's funny how people assume luna is a little boy all the time. it's also funny how many people ask "how old is HE?" even when she is dressed in pink from head to toe (which isn't often). i can pick out the mothers who "have been there" because they're the ones who simply ask "how old?".. leaving out the he/she. for whatever reason, fathers don't seem to learn from experience in this department..? it doesn't bother me that folks think she's a boy... and it certainly doesn't bother luna... but, i do think it's funny. here are some recent photos:

luna in a sweet little onesie made by my friend janessa (fortesdesign.com)

waking up from nap

fast asleep with papaw (my dad)

and at the chinese gardens with mia and papaw

reflections

at almost 19 weeks post-partum, i think i'm finally figuring out how to do it all. some days, most days actually, i manage to not only take good care of luna, but also of myself... and pretty good care of the house as well. i've worked out a system .. wake, breakfast, vacuum, nap, shower, ... i won't bore you with the details, but i will say, i feel pretty good. in fact, i feel like wonder woman .. minus the spandex and arm cuffs.

our little house has quickly become tiny, especially with a visit from mia and papaw (my parents) last week and the addition of a jumper and rocking horse. we've been planning to move into a bigger house for some time, but that move might be a bit farther than we anticipated. more on that later.... but, for now, we're staying put in a too small house - and so, we're grateful for the sunny days that allow us to escape into the outdoors.

today luna and i had the pleasure of taking two nice walks with two amazing women (and one beautiful little baby). the combination of the sunshine, the landscape in bloom, and good conversation with close friends made for a lovely day. it's days like this that i count my blessings. and i am so blessed.

as night falls, i sit in a quiet house with a cup of tea, and a sleeping babe. just waiting in anticipation. ~tomorrow is friday...family day... a day filled with luna AND febri... snuggling, laughing, dancing- together... just the three of us. i look forward to friday all week...

the man i love

it's been 3 weeks since febri started school. 3 weeks of adjusting to a new schedule. 3 weeks of going to bed with only luna. i love snuggling with my warm, sweet, angelic little babe.. but honestly, i can't shake the loneliness that exists without febri. i keep thinking it will get easier, but it's always the same... every night ... the gaping hole that febri once filled.

this is, of course, only 4 days a week - but it feels like 10 - the other 3 days we reserve for family time - where we soak up all that is febri,

all that is papa,

all that is the man i love.

in just 11 weeks, he'll be ours again. that is, until summer term begins....